For years growing up as a girl with male genitalia, I had the same sexual drive as most heterosexual girls have, to be penetrated vaginally. Yet, I was a girl born with a missing vaginal and in it’s place, I was given male organs so a certain extent.
I use to listen to my friends talk about how good vaginal sex felt to them and I was always left feeling like something was missing. What does it feel like? “Oh, it feels so good after you get past the original pain of being a virgin.” Non of my friends could tell me the experience. I even asked an ex-friend who was post-op and in a long term relationship what it felt like. She couldn’t explain it either.
Well, now I have my answer. I hope this will help other girls out there who may be questioning what vaginal sex feels like. This is just my opinion and I can only speak for myself. Each girl may have a different feeling. Also, I’m still early in the healing process and I believe it will at least a year before everything settles into place and what I feel now will change to pleasure as time goes by.
Ok, for us girls born with missing vagina’s, we have to have surgery or dilate to create one. Our vagina’s aren’t the made up of the same tissue that girls who are born with vagina’s have. Their tissue is much more elastic and can accommodate all kinds of shape and sizes. Since my vagina is made up of different tissue, I have to dilate so that I can at least be sexual with the average sized male.
Nevertheless, there is something that we all have in common down there and that the pubococcygeus (PC) muscle. It doesn’t matter if you were born with a vagina or not, male or female, we all have that same muscle. This muscle is the same muscle that controls the anus. When vaginoplasty was performed, this muscle had to be cut in order to make entrance into my vagina.
Girls born with a vagina already have a space which the muscle surrounds the vaginal cavity. Over time, my PC muscle will heal and it will function pretty much the same. In the mean time, my body has to learn itself all over again. Dilation helps with the healing process and also trains the PC muscle that my vagina entrance is supposed to be there. Some girls born with vagina’s also go through this process entitled, Vaginismus.
What does this have to do with feelings? Hold your horses, I’m getting to the point. For right now, as my body heals, I do feel pleasure in my vagina. But, I also feel a slight sensation of tearing which feels more like a burning sensation. If you are a girl and you remember your first time you had sex and it burned a little, that’s what I feel right now. Yet, there is also a sensation of fullness down there almost like I have to go sit on the toilet to move my bowels. I contribute all this to the training of my PC muscles.
My doctors assistant told me to be careful that I’m not dilating in the wrong position and that I not entering the rectum causing a fistula. However, I don’t think this is the case because I don’t angle my dilators. I insert my dilators parallel to the bed and my body. In other words, position plays a key role in the angle you insert. I’m very careful to always make sure that I’m parallel to my spine.
Now, I’m expecting this fullness feeling to last for sometime until my body and PC muscle become used to actually having a vagina. Currently, it’s only been one month and I’m still early in my healing process. That PC muscle can be a real party spoiler because each time I move up in size of dilator it will let me know that it will only take so much. I’m not rushing the process and I hope my blog entry will help other girls to learn what they could possibly expect. Again this is my experience. You could feel something entirely different. But, I do know that we all have that PC muscle and it needs to go through a healing process as well as a training process. Once it’s healed and trained, that’s when the pleasure will set in.