By now, I’m sure that everyone within the TG/LGB community has heard about the case of  Zikerria Bellamy at McDonalds, Inc. For those that don’t know, she applied for a position online at McDonalds and after it was discovered that she was in fact a male, the manager of the restaurant left his opinion on her voice mail. To say the least, he insulted her and gave his opinion on the type of people McDonalds doesn’t want to hire. McDonalds has since fired the manager in case and made a public announcement that the manager was out of line and did not have the authority to act as he did. The subject is now suing McDonalds for discrimination which I feel she should.

However, what bothers me about this case is how it is being handled. Zikerria is being presented as a transexual. Some have even confused her as being a post-op transexual which in fact she is not. Youtube has responders that consistently refer to her as being a post-op transexual and some have voiced that post-op transsexuals should understand that discrimination besets them.

The reality of the situation is that once someone has vaginoplasty, they are legally, in most states, female. A post-op transsexual has every right to marry legally, check female on the application legally, receive spousal benefits, and just as any other hetrosexual couple have the same rights. On the other hand, a transgendered person cannot do this legally.

This is a case of a transgendered person who applied for a job as a female when in fact she is a male. Now, she could have lied on the application and said she is female which she did. But legally/biologically, she is a male no matter how much she feels she is female. McDonalds has every right to fire someone that lies on their application for employment including lying about a previous conviction. What McDonalds doesn’t have the right to do is deny employment to someone based upon their gender identification.  Stay with me on this one.

Had the subject been hired by McDonalds and it was later found out that the subject was in fact a male, McDonalds is within their right to dismiss the subject for falsification on their application. However, if the subject at hand had checked that she was in fact male but presented as female, carried a letter to attest to the fact that she is a pre-op transsexual, McDonalds would have no grounds to dismiss her had she been hired.

I’m not arguing what was said to her over the voice mail, that’s another topic which I don’t want to discuss. I’m simply pointing out that transgendered persons need to understand that falsification on a job application is grounds for denial of employment up to and including termination. If you lie on your job application and a company terminates your employment, you are the one at fault, not the company that hired you based upon the information that you provided to them.

I hope that McDonalds has good legal counsel on this one simply because this is not a case about a transgendered being denied employment.  This is a case about a manager who discovered that someone had lied on their application and over stepped his job responsibilities to spread hate and his disapproval. Yes, the manager was wrong for leaving his opinion on the girls voice machine. Yes, the subject should be able to file a lawsuit for harassment and deformation of character. The subject should be compensated for the hardship that this ex-manager has placed on her mental health.

To my transgendered friends out there, I understand this is a hard pill to swallow. I understand that there needs to be legal support for the transgendered community. However, it also needs to be a clear distinction between transgenderism and transsexualism. The two do not mean the same and I have written upon this subject to death. The legal system acknowledges this distinction and just because a post-op transsexual can legally check female on a job application does not mean that it should apply to someone that is legally/biologically a male that lives their life as a woman. If you are one of the many out there applying for a job and presenting false information on a job application, do not be shocked when these companies do a background check and discover that you lied on the job application. Stats say that 90% of the companies that are hiring will do a background check. They will find out. It is of no benefit to you to lie on a job application because even if you think you made it through, at some point most companies will check your background even beyond offering you the job.

My advice to the transgendered person, particularly the one’s that have no intention of ever having a sex change, get a letter from a qualified mental health therapist that states you are legally male but live your life as a woman and for all do cause, you should be viewed and treated as a woman. Carry this letter in your wallet with you at all times.  On the job application you fill out, make sure that you are honest in checking which sex you are. When and if you are questioned about your sex, it should be made known that you are in transition, a non-op transgendered person or a pre-op transsexual. Believe it or not, it is still illegal for a male to enter a female bathroom in most states and if a female finds out that you are in fact a male, she can call the police or security on you despite the fact that you present as a woman. This is why having that letter is of necessity.  Having that letter will also protect you in a case if and when you do get called to the HR department because someone suspected that you are not the sex you say you are, they legally cannot fire you because of it unless you lied on the job application. Its for you own protection that I offer this advice. Hate if you will, call  me a bigot, ask me what right do I have to question your gender, but, no matter how you look at it, the law is the law and we need to start establishing the right that transgendered people exist within our community and they have the rights too.

Have a happy holiday.

I do hope that the season is bringing you much joy. For the first time in many years I feel happy and not alone. I’m still single and will most likely be single for a very long time to come for now. I still have much healing to do from my surgery.

I went to my first GYN appointment last week and she told me that I still have some healing to do. I have a very small complication which prevents me from moving forward and starting to date. Some tissue needed to be cauterized and biopsied which hurt so much that I’m still sore now. Yet, she told me that it was a needed step to make sure that I didn’t have an infection.

With all the healing, I totally went off my diet and I’ve gained all my weight back. I’m back up to about 200LBS right now and I’m slowly going back on my diet to decrease my weight back down to 177LBS.

This season, I decided to treat myself. I went out and brought a 32 inch LCD HDTV with all the trim and had to spend another $400 on the HD receiver because my cable company would not upgrade. I’ve been getting my hair done almost every week but this won’t last long since I don’t have the income to continue this special treat.

Lastly, I switched my major again. I’ve decided to get my MBA in Accounting. Since most of my accounting classes have been completed at other schools, I don’t need to make up for classes that I don’t take at my new school. In the long run, this degree will help me when I finally start my own financial Consulting company. I was going to start this tax season, but, I don’t feel confident that I can go out on my own right now.  Perhaps next tax season I’ll invest in a subcontract with one of the check cashing places which will give me my start to opening my own Financial Consulting company.

Ok…enjoy your holiday…..and thanks for reading.

I happen to come across another YouTube video where there are some who point out the biological bases for gender as being equal to that of being female or male. However, It should be noted that the studies that have proven that transsexuals have brain structure similar to that of XX Females has nothing to do with gender. How can any study of brain structure prove that the deceased individual gender was male or female?

Gender is purely psychological. It is not biological and the evidence of this are the alarming cases of children being diagnosed with Gender Dysphoria at young ages and then suddenly growing out of the dysphoria once they’ve reached an age where they feel more like the gendered their parents tried to raise them as.

Nevertheless, sex is biological. You are either male or female. You can be a female that feels like a man or a male that feels like a woman. There is no biological test that can determine gender because its purely a state of mind. Yet, there are a number of test that can prove if you are male or female.

This brings up the next point, one can be female with mixed sexual characteristics that differ from what we consider to be the norm.  For instance, one can be female but born with XY chromosomes. Again, this has nothing to do with gender. It has nothing to do with how one feels about themselves as a person. We call this type of condition and intersexed condition. It is not the same as a transgendered condition in which there is a healthy male or female (there are few transgendered females as opposed to transgendered males) who feels like they are a woman or man.

The confusion comes about when we have a group of people that insist that they are within the same condition. A transgendered person is not the same as a transexual just as a transexual is not the same as an intersexed person. Each group has it own condition and each are separate from the other. Yet. there are some who wish to try to make it very clear that each are the same.

I don’t feel as though I need to explain what a transsexual person is because I have written on this topic before. A transgendered person is a male or female that feels like a woman or man. A transgendered person may or may not seek sex reassignment because the issue for them is not their sex. For the transgendered person, the issue is being seen and accepted as a woman or man despite their biological sex. For most transgendered persons, their sexual anatomy is very stable and they do not seek to have reassignment surgery.

For the transsexual, the issue is not about acceptance as a woman or man but more about their sexual anatomy.  For the transsexual, it is about being male or female and it can only be solved by having sex reassignment surgery. For the transsexual, living as a male or female is considered life or death. Most transsexual who don’t have surgery ended up with severe social issues, emotional problems and/or end up taking their own lives.

So, you can see the difference from the group. It is a shame that you have so many people that simply do not understand this very basic distinction. It is no wonder we have parents and therapist diagnosing their children as being transsexual when in fact their child may only be suffering from Gender identity disorder which does not call for surgery of any kind. Gender identity disorder is not a life threatening condition where as transexuality is a life threatening condition.

It should also be noted that transexuality is progressive. It is not something you grow out of. Children that suffer from transsexualism are distinct from children who have gender identity disorder. Since transexuality is progressive, the condition if left untreated has devastating effects on the child. Some children will resort to trying to cut off their own sex organs. Others will react in such a way that their behavior becomes anti-social. Some children will resort to harming others. If you haven’t noticed by now, now of this has anything to do with their gender.

Another distinction that should be made which is clearly evident in the person who suffers from transsexualism is a hatred for their own genitalia. These people will tell you that they must have surgery to correct their condition. It’s not an option for them. You will not hear from a person who suffers from transsexualism that they are happy with their genitalia unless they have had sex reassignment surgery. They will not be escorts that you see on the internet or on Craig’s list. Chances are they are not in a sexual relationship simply because they despise their genitalia so much so that they cannot stand the site of using their sex organ that bring any type of enjoyment or pleasure.

Finally, a person who suffers with transsexualism, once they have sex reassignment surgery, will feel at peace with themselves and for the most part cease to have any signs of transsexualism. For these people, there is no such thing as being a post-op transsexual.  After surgery, they cease to identity with any type of transsexualism and simply begin to live their lives as normal female which the transgendered community call stealth living. Yet, these men and women aren’t living stealth at all. They simply are living what they consider themselves to be, male or female.

I hope that you may have a better understanding of this after reading my blog because it is so much information that is misleading the public these days to think that a transgendered person is the same as a transsexual. Gender does not equal male or female.  One can be a man who feel like a woman but this does not say that one can be a man who is actually female.  Man/Woman  and Female/Male are not equal. One is social and the other is biological.

A lot of you will not like what I have to say. But I feel it is something that needs to be said and heard.

I don’t understand when the TG community will learn that if you dress, act, look, and tell someone that you are a female when in fact you are not and go as far as being in a relationship with someone rather that be a one night stand, you are obligated to inform that person about your true sex.

Notice that I did not say woman because it is my opinion that being a woman goes beyond the genitalia. However, being female is entirely exclusive of being male. There is not denial of this since being female involves the absence of male genitalia, hormonal levels and secondary sex characteristics completely different (opposite) of male.

You can put on a dress, wear make-up, put on lace wigs, inject silicon into the body and even take hormones to present yourself to the world that you are a woman. But, when you meet that special someone and you pretend to be male or female when you are not, then you cross the line of deception so much so that it puts your life in danger.

It sadden my heart when I see the senseless death of so many that if they only were truthful from the beginning, many would be still alive today. The reality of it all is that few people go on a witch hunt to seek out and kill transgendered or transsexual women and men. Most of the deaths results from deception. Few are of post-op transsexuals.

How difficult is it to be truthful? Why does it kill people just to be honest about who they are? This whole stealth thing we keep passing on to one another is crazy and detrimental to our well being. Regardless if you have testicles and a penis between your legs or a vagina create by birth or at the hands of a talented surgeon, there is someone for each of us out there.

Tranny chasers love transgendered women so much that they pay hundreds of dollars to be with one for just one hour. They have their own dedicated websites which they clearly have made it known that they have no interest in transexual women who are post-op. Some of these men would not even think about dating a post-op girl simply because they are too female for their liking. Post-op girls are missing that special package they seek. I don’t discriminate against them. To each is his or her own.

There are men and women who don’t mind if you are post-op as long as your honest from the beginning. So, the excuse that being honest leads to loneliness is just a fairy tale told by the few who are ignorant to reality.

Living stealth has become such a big issue today that we have girls that make claims that if you have surgery and it doesn’t result in you being able to give birth and menstruate, you have nothing more than an inverted penis. I’ve had friends that wanted me to put on big wigs, wear padded underwear and put on make up because I wasn’t passable to them. Girls spend thousands of dollars to have their faces reconstructed to be passable. Some girls diet to the point of almost killing themselves just so they can look skinny enough to be passable. Then there are the girls who inject Home Depot products into their bodies at the risk of dying or running off to Mexico to have ribs removed just to be passable.

This isn’t about being a woman, this about living up to someone expectations of what a woman/female should look like. I can walk down the street and hold my head up because I know that I’m a woman/female. I have no desire to inject myself with harmful products, put on tons of make-up, where big wig or to have breast implants the size of basketballs.

My identity is solid enough to the point that I can talk to someone whom I meet and tell them on the first date before I take them home with me that I am a woman born with PAIS and I was born with male genitalia and now I have had sex reassignment surgery so that I can live my life comfortable. If he can’t handle that, then I’m not his type of girl. I’m o.k. with that. Maybe he wants a girl that can give birth or one that can menstruate each month. Maybe he wants a girl that was born female. I respect that and understand that that is his right to not be deceived.  It’s wrong for me to tell him anything different. I don’t want a man that is really into women with penises  only to be told later in the relationship after I start having emotional feeling for him that he is prefers these kind of women. Do you see the point?  Had he told me right from the moment that we started dating, I would have told him that he is not my type of man and he could see that I’m not his type of girl.

A man that wants a woman born with a vagina has every right to expect that the woman he is dating is what she presents herself to be. If that woman is anything but that, then it is the woman’s obligation to tell that man that she is not what she appears to be. I rather for that man to get up from that table and walk out calling me all kinds of nasty words then for me to take him home with me and we start to become intimate only for him to discover that I’m not what he taught and he loses his mind and kill me or beat me half to death.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that any violence is justifiable, because it isn’t. I’m merely pointing out that the violence could be prevented if the truth was made known from the very beginning.

Ladies, there is no such thing as stealth living. It’s all deception and lies. You can build a relationship based upon truth, or you could build a relationship based upon deception but at some point, the truth will surface. Let us learn from these girls that have lost their lives and even some boys such as Brandon Tina. They would be still with us today if only they were truthful about who they were.

Enough already.

As a female that was born with PAIS (Partial Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome), I’ve tried to learn as much as possible about vaginal health so that when I finally was able to have my operation there would be no surprises. Yet, speaking with other women who were born with AIS and HBS women, there was little to no information on what I could expect as I heal from such a major operation.

It’s been 3 months (12 weeks) and each day is one step to full recovery. Dilation is much apart of my life as inspecting myself to make sure that I’m healing correctly. I can’t but notice that I have a slight discharge and I wonder if I have a yeast infection. Yet, after reading and speaking with my mom on the subject matter, I’ve concluded that it not a yeast infection at all but rather vaginal discharge of the lubricant I use along with the natural discharge that is common among all females.

Female naturally have about a teaspoon of vaginal discharge everyday which can be clear or thin whitish in color. This fluid becomes thicker as she cycles through month with higher concentration during ovulation and menarche.  Although I do not ovulate and have no menarche, my vagina does produce its own fluid which is discharged each day no different from any other female. The combination of this fluid with the lubricants that I use creates a yellowish tint discharge without any odor or signs that would point to infection.

It is possible that if one is not understanding what’s going on with the body that a false diagnosis could lead one to conclude that this is a yeast infection or some other form of infection. This is why it is so important to learn your body as fast as you can after this kind of operation. Don’t be afraid to touch yourself and smell yourself down there.  Examine yourself each day and take notice of the discharges that happen.

Switching the focus of this topic, sexual intercourse for me is out for now. I’m not healed enough to withstand the implications of intercourse. I tried to time myself with others that I read that mentioned that they began having sexual intercourse 6-8 weeks after surgery. Well, I must be a slow healer because this is not possible for me. I tried using a 6 inch realistic dildo just to see how it would feel and if I was ready and though I was able to accommodate the dildo without much pain, I could tell that I wasn’t completely healed enough that I am ready to start dating and having sex.

Don’t rush yourself. This is a time period that should be about learning and healing. I was scheduled to go for the second stage of my surgery on Thursday of this month but that has been pushed to perhaps January of next year as I still am healing and the surgeon wants to make sure that I’m completely healed. Because of this time set back, I must also allow myself to heal from the second stage surgery. As much as I would love to put a date stamp on when I can go out and have my first vaginal sexual experience, I must listen to my body. So, I  encourage all others who may be going through this kind of surgery to listen to your body and not to what other have or are saying is the best time to go out and try to have sex.

I’m often asked this question from people that don’t have a full understanding of my medical condition. So, I thought it would be a good idea to write about my own experience and to help educate some who may have the very same question in mind.

For me, I didn’t just decided to become a woman. I was born a girl forced to be a boy due to unforeseeable biological developments. Other words, what you saw was not what you had.

In essence, we are not born fully developed. Our brains are still developing, our genitalia is still developing and will go through a series of developmental stages before they are mature enough to become a major part of our lives. Our height and weight is proportional with our developmental stages throughout life. Most importantly, is our brain development.

At specific point in life, we discover that we are male or female, not from just what others tell us we are. Fetal hormones have a large significant part in shaping this part of our brains. Just as too much estrogen can result in a male child being born female or the opposite, your brain has a sex also and it can result in your brain developing into a female structure with opposite anatomy. Yet, this is far more complex to try to explain and there are studies that have shown this to be the very case.

Picture if you will, a little girl is born. From the outside, she appears just like all the other little girls. But, by the time she turns one year old, there is a difference you can spot in her behavior. She doesn’t behave in the same manner as other little girls her own age. She prefers boy toys over girl toys. As she continues to age, she in fact insist that he be address as a boy. He refuses to wear girl cloths and hates any connotation that he be referred to a She.

The parents are baffled by this strange behavior. They try ever so hard to instill that He is in fact a She. As this battle continues, He begins to develop social problems because now other children have started to notice that He is not a He and is in fact a She. Yet, his behavior is not typical of other girls and other girls don’t want him around for obvious reasons.

He begins to feel isolation. He has no peers, no one to relate too. He’s being called horrible names and made fun of by other boys and girls. No one wants to socialize with him out of fear that they may be subjected to becoming an outcast just like Him.

But, lucky for Him, there is a support group that meets once a month that works with boys and girls like Him. He has a chance to finally understand what is going on with him and why He is the way He is. He soon discovers that He has a medical condition in which He was born with anatomy that didn’t match his brain. In fact, his brain is male while his anatomy is female. It all starts to make since now.

All He has to do now is explain to everyone what He has learned. However, this is not how the world is educated to know the difference between the two sexes. The world has come to learn that biology is perfect and there are no mistakes. So, when He begins to tell people why He is in fact a boy and not a girl, the world still shuns Him. They ignore the medical evidence that has been recently discovered that proves He is in fact a boy.

Now deep in depression, He continues his journey to adulthood and to discover that He doesn’t develop like all the other girls. He isn’t menstruating and he doesn’t develop breast like all the other girls. This only adds to the confusion because everyone is telling Him that He should be a She.

Doctors ignore his condition and just pushes it off as He is a late bloomer. By the time He becomes 23 years of age. He insists that He not be forced to live His life as a girl and now starts to makes changes in His life to become legally and biologically a Male.

Because He has spent such a grate deal of His life being an outcast, He never dates and He never has children. He begins the process of having a Hysterectomy to remove any anatomy that does not belong on a Male. He lifts weight and is scheduled to have Metoidioplasty in about a year.

He legally changes his name and all identification that mentions that He is a She. In the meantime, society still refers to Him as a freak and an outcast. His parents and family have disowned Him. He is going about this all alone with the exception of the support group members.

After a year has pasted, He is officially Male and now is legally able to marry and start a family of His own. As a final step in His journey, He has surgery and sends off for His new birth certificate which makes it official that He is in fact a Male.

Life picks up for Him now and He starts to date where He meets a very accepting and loving woman. The two of them can never have children together but that doesn’t stop them. They get married and His wife goes to a sperm bank clinic and become pregnant with their first child.

Some years later, the two of them are happily married with 3 children and they couldn’t be any more content with life.

With the exception of a boy being born a girl, the wedding and children this is what my life is. I am a women to the fullest extent with the exception of a few missing parts. I didn’t wake up and choose to be a girl, I was a girl from the point that I discovered the differences between the two sexes. I didn’t become a woman, I grew up as a girl being forced to be a boy. I didn’t have the socialization that most girl have nor did I have the socialization that most boys have while growing up. Childhood was a nightmare far from what most people would call normal.

So, I don’t know what’s it like to become a woman because I didn’t become a woman, I was born a girl who grew up to be a woman. I don’t understand what’s its like to be a man nor a boy since I never was one from the beginning.

For years growing up as a girl with male genitalia, I had the same sexual drive as most heterosexual girls have, to be penetrated vaginally. Yet, I was a girl born with a missing vaginal and in it’s place, I was given male organs so a certain extent.

I use to listen to my friends talk about how good vaginal sex felt to them and I was always left feeling like something was missing. What does it feel like? “Oh, it feels so good after you get past the original pain of being a virgin.”  Non of my friends could tell me the experience. I even asked an ex-friend who was post-op and in a long term relationship what it felt like. She couldn’t explain it either.

Well, now I have my answer. I hope this will help other girls out there who may be questioning what vaginal sex feels like. This is just my opinion and I can only speak for myself. Each girl may have a different feeling. Also, I’m still early in the healing process and I believe it will at least a year before everything settles into place and what I feel now will change to pleasure as time goes by.

Ok, for us girls born with missing vagina’s, we have to have surgery or dilate to create one. Our vagina’s aren’t the made up of the same tissue that girls who are born with vagina’s have. Their tissue is much more elastic and can accommodate all kinds of shape and sizes. Since my vagina is made up of different tissue, I have to dilate so that I can at least be sexual with the average sized male.

Nevertheless, there is something that we all have in common down there and that the pubococcygeus (PC) muscle. It doesn’t matter if you were born with a vagina or not, male or female, we all have that same muscle. This muscle is the same muscle that controls the anus. When vaginoplasty was performed, this muscle had to be cut in order to make entrance into my vagina.

Girls born with a vagina already have a space which the muscle surrounds the vaginal cavity. Over time, my PC muscle will heal and it will function pretty much the same. In the mean time, my body has to learn itself all over again. Dilation helps with the healing process and also trains the PC muscle that my vagina entrance is supposed to be there. Some girls born with vagina’s also go through this process entitled, Vaginismus.

What does this have to do with feelings? Hold your horses, I’m getting to the point. For right now, as my body heals, I do feel pleasure in my vagina. But, I also feel a slight sensation of tearing which feels more like a burning sensation. If you are a girl and you remember your first time you had sex and it burned a little, that’s what I feel right now. Yet, there is also a sensation of fullness down there almost like I have to go sit on the toilet to move my bowels. I contribute all this to the training of my PC muscles.

My doctors assistant told me to be careful that I’m not dilating in the wrong position and that I not entering the rectum causing a fistula. However, I don’t think this is the case because I don’t angle my dilators. I insert my dilators parallel to the bed and my body. In other words, position plays a key role in the angle you insert. I’m very careful to always make sure that I’m parallel to my spine.

Now, I’m expecting this fullness feeling to last for sometime until my body and PC muscle become used to actually having a vagina. Currently, it’s only been one month and I’m still early in my healing process. That PC muscle can be a real party spoiler because each time I move up in size of dilator it will let me know that it will only take so much.  I’m not rushing the process and I hope my blog entry will help other girls to learn what they could possibly expect. Again this is my experience. You could feel something entirely different. But, I do know that we all have that PC muscle and it needs to go through a healing process as well as a training process. Once it’s healed and trained, that’s when the pleasure will set in.

Each day, I’m on a schedule to dilate 4 times a day for at least 10-20 minutes each session. Yet, I dilate 4 times a day for 40 minutes each session because I read how one surgeon suggest that anything less than 2 hours a day is not enough to train my neovagina.

Nevertheless, my surgeon insist that his dilators that he recommends is the best in the world and all other fail. Well, I’ve done my research and I’m no longer in a fight by myself on which dilators are the best to use to train the neovagina but also just how much depth is needed to have a successful sex life with an average sized man.

There is a misconception amongst the HBS/Transsexual women that depth is the all important factor in having a successful sexual life with an average size man. It not uncommon that you will hear girls brag about how much depth their surgeons have given them and how much they have maintained. “I have 6 inches of depth.” And another will say, “Yeah, well, I have 8 inches of depth.” I even read how some girls who kept their surgeons dilation schedules to the tee and still lost depth. Is this even possible with just a skin graft?

I would like to start off by mentioning an article written by Dr. Anne Lawrence.  “Vaginal depth in natal females typically ranges from 7 to 14 cm or about 3 to 5-1/2 inches.” According to Dr. Lawrence and her research results, this is the typical depth that most girls end up with postoperative. She mentions that it is highly unlikely that further depth can be achieved with just the typical skin graft procedure due to the peritoneal reflection (The Douglas Pouch) preventing further dissection. The rectovesicle septum is typically 10 to 12 cm or 4 to 5 inches before the surgeon has to stop dissection or he or she will end up into the peritoneal cavity. There no room for curving upwards or downwards, side to side. Nevertheless, this is well within typical range of natal females. The only time that the peritoneal cavity is entered is when we are talking about colon vaginoplasty. Please read the study for further understanding.

Notes on Genital Dimensions

By Dr. Anne Lawrence

http://www.annelawrence.com/twr/genitaldimensions.html

Now, I would like to also draw my sisters attention to women born with missing vagina’s or vagina’s that are completely formed, the condition is otherwise known as MRKH. What do these women have in common with us? Well for one, if they choose to go about the McIndoe vaginoplasty, they pretty much have to endure what we HBS/transsexual women must endure. By the way, 1 in 5,000 women are born with this condition. What are their averages in depth? Well, according to the studies that have been conducted over the years, these women have a cavity length of 10-12cm (4-5 inches) and a diameter of 4-5 cm (1.5-2 inches).  The study showed that 7 women led successful sexual lives after the surgery, 6 of them rating excellent depth and 1 rating good.

McIndoe Vaginoplasty: Revisited

By:

Sanjay Saraf MS, MCh. (Plastic Surgery), DNB (Plastic Surgery), MNAMS

&

Praveena Saraf MS (Gyn/Obs)

http://www.ispub.com/ostia/index.php?xmlFilePath=journals/ijgo/vol6n2/vaginoplasty.xml

I have learned a lot from these studies and I have taken my healing process from the success rate of these women. There just is no need for me to stress myself out about trying to obtain or maintain a depth grater than 6 inches of depth. I do not wish to have grater than 6 inches nor am I trying to reach depths that are grater than 6 inches. For my sisters that insist that they need to be deeper to have successful sex lives, I encourage them to read the studies. The average female is smaller than the average male.

Now, the next topic focuses on which dilators should be used or what I like to think of it as vaginal trainers or vaginal stents. For women with Vaginal Agenesis who have had the McInode procedure done, there is no dilation schedule such as ours. They simply are fitted with vaginal stents which they wear 24/7 only to take off to clean themselves. We on the other hand are told to not wear our stents 24/7 but to dilate as frequently as possible and less as time passes. There is also the dilator debate which I for one have strong reasons why we should not be using dilators with blunt ends or dilators that curve up, down, side to side or that are not good for creating microtears in our neovagina’s.

Dr. Schrang, before he retired, wrote an article on the importance of dilation and the importance of using the proper dilators. He stress that dilators should not be blunted and that they should be designed in a fashion that would create microtears as well as spread the tissue upon insertion. He stressed that dilation should not be painful, as I’ve been told dilation should be painful, and that dilation should be no more than uncomfortable but not painful. Rather than post his entire article here on this post, I’ll just give you the link;

Dilation dilators in Sex Reasignment Surgery

Why do Post-Op Transsexuals have to dilate

By:

Dr. Eugene Schrang, M.D.

http://www.transgenderzone.com/library/ae/fulltext/29.htm

To say the least, I’ve come down to the decision to use only one type of dilator and to take my dilation’s at a much slower pace. I will not use any vaginal stents with blunt ends. I will not use any vaginal stents that cause pain. I will not use any vaginal stents that have bends or folds to them, despite being told that this is how a woman vagina is shaped. A woman’s vagina has no bends to it. It does not curve up and it does not curve down. The natal vagina has an angle that when she stands, it goes up and towards the back. Yet, this does not mean that the vagina has a bend to it at all. The vagina itself is straight with no bends to it. Any dilators that have bends to it is simply not natural and can cause problems in the long term as these dilators must be inserted at an angle and then reposition so that the bend can then be positioned pointing upwards towards the navel. This is clearly an improper way to dilate and stretch the neovaginas skin so that microtears are happening and new cells are forming thus increasing depth.

Again, I cannot stress the importance of learning from the McIndoe procedure on just how are they able to obtain such large numbers of success rate that ends with the woman being able to have a successful sex life despite not being 9 inches in depth and 4 inches in diameter. I was able to find another article on the internet that actually showed the vaginal stent that is to stay in place for at least 6 months. The stent is very similar to the stents that I use now which is the vaginismus dilators. My dilators also go under another name in the U.k., Owen Mumford Amielle vaginal dilators. These dilators are graduated dilators and are similar to the dilators that Dr. Schrang wrote about in his article. Femistent would be even more closer but they are very expensive.

Thus ladies, I say again, don’t be fooled by the depth debate. Your goal shouldn’t be how much depth your vagina has. Your goal should be proper healing and maintaining a depth and diameter that is possible for you to have a successful sex life. You don’t need 9 inches and 4 inches of diameter to have a successful sex life. On average, 4-5 inches of depth and 1.5 to 2 inches of diameter will be more than enough to accommodate the average sized man. You might be concerned that he wont fit and you need more depth and withe. Don’t be. All female at some point go through the fear of being able to accommodate a penis in their vagina’s. With proper dilation with the proper dilator you can be successful. Take your time and allow your body to heal.

It’s 14 days post-op and I was able to have my first female orgasm. O my….what a feeling. I shouldn’t be able to do this right now nor do I recommend anyone do what I did so few days after having a major surgery, but the build up was so strong that I couldn’t help but try.

I kept having the feeling that I could but was afraid to try out fear that I would rupture something. But each day, I gain more and more feeling down there and I have these jolts of shocks that cause me to jump. Tonight was a special night for me. My sutures were removed and as I lay in bed trying to fall asleep, I became very aroused. I was so aroused that I began to have spasm in my vulva area. I couldn’t believe it. Was this what I think it is? No way, it’s way to early for this to happen. Most girls aren’t able to orgasm until 6 or 7 months after surgery. Some girls never regain the ability to orgasm after this kind of surgery.

So, I reached over, grab my Astroglide and went to town. I could feel the build up. It kept building up and finally it was there. I was this scared when I had my first orgasm at 14 years old but now I had good reason to be afraid. Were the contraction going to be so strong that I would rupture something. The contraction continued. 8 strong contractions. Then it was over. I got up turned the light on and checked to make sure everything was o.k. No bleeding. But, I was very wet and the towel was wet as well.

Now that I know that I can make it happen. I’m not so sure that I want to make it happen again so soon after surgery. It’s too early for this happen. I’m supposed to be healing and not making myself have orgasm. I’ll have to find a way to relieve myself of the desire to orgasm until I think it’s safe to do so which should be no less than 6 to 8 weeks after surgery.

Nevertheless, it sure felt good.

Well I have started to notice that there some pinkish color tissue that is starting to show up and it looks bad. It doesn’t hurt or cause me any problems but I wanted to make sure that there is not any problems that could cause me problems down the line. So, I called the doctor to make sure he looks at me before I head back home.

The doctor comes into my room and examines me for the last time today. He tells me that I have some wound separation but the tissue is healing so well that he cannot do anything for it right now. He tells me to return in 3 months for labiaplasty and he will fix that problem then. He also tells me that uretha has puffy lips syndrome…lol. He’ll take care of that also in 3 months.

My healing is going so well right now that I’m starting to regain sensitivity in areas which don’t happen for most girls for at least 6-8 weeks. I believe it is because I’m using the Estrogen Vaginal Cream that I spread all over. I’m also starting to get electrical shocks all over my genitalia now that sometimes sends into jolts like I’m having a shock treatment. It’s not the best of feeling when it comes from the urethra.

I’m happy, nevertheless, I wish I could stay in Fla for a bit more time and see more of the sites that Miami has to offer. But, it is time for me to go home now.  I’ll return in October for labiaplasty and some touch up work.  I have a payday coming up in about 3 more weeks and I’ll pay for the hotel, the return flight, and put some money away for any unexpected cost. Ok enough for now…talk with you later.