Posted by: jasgreen | May 5, 2009

Stand behind me Satan

I came home from my 3 mile walk to discover that the class I dropped a week ago has cause all kinds of problems.

First, let me bring you up to speed so that you aren’t lost about what is going on. I’m a graduate Accounting student. I’m working on a M.Acc degree. The degree is supposed to help me prepare and pass the CPA exam. I do not work while I study and I devote my extra time to helping less fortunate family with financial issue from saving, to budgeting to filing taxes. This may change in a few months as the organiztion that I volunteer with loves me so much that they want to offer me a paid intern position which I’m more than happy to take.

The last class that I was enrolled was a class which I thaught was design to help me understand corporate taxes. Turned out, the class was a tax theory class which is completely useless for anyone wanting to study for the CPA exam. I need a tax class on Federal regulations on Corporate and Individual taxes not on why we have taxes and ways for us to get around paying taxes. So, I dropped the class after the drop period. Well my school didn’t like that and sent back my loans which had not been disbursed to me. They also want me to pay back the disbursement they had given to me. To say the least, it has caused a lot of trouble.

My school want $3000 back. So close to surgery, I simply don’t have the money. When I called the school to talk with them, all they said to me was pay up or stay out. All I could do is sit on the edge of my bed and cry. Everything that I worked towards for the past 10 months was wasted. Surgery was in jepordy of being cancelled.  But, I’ve come to far to call my doctor up and tell him I have to cancel surgery. Stand behind me Satan. I’m tired of living in your Hell (I’m Jewish, so for me Satan and Hell is not the same as a christian views it).

Lucky for me, I was in the process of transfering to another school because I wasn’t sure I like the ciriculum and I was accepted into a M.Acc program that offered better courses and has CPA review courses within the ciriculum. Yet, I had to act very fast because with a balance owed, they would not release an official transcript. I called my old school up and asked if a hold was on my account and she told me not yet. Hashem was listening to my prayers once again. I grabbed my coat and rush for the door to go put $5 dollars unto my pre-paid debt card before they could put a hold on my account. I prayed with every step.

Hashem, you know my problem. This problem has been going on since I first ask you to take this problem from me when I was 4 years old. Hashem take this pain away. I am a girl with a birth defect. I cannot have a husband like this. I cannot marry like this. I cannot be me. Now, Hashem, the surgery is paid. The operating room awaits me. The plane is fueled and waiting. The hotel is booked. I walk 3 miles a day to get my body ready.  I take Iron because my blood is as sickly as my body. I’ve always had low blood count. Hashem, do not take this away from me. Stand behind me Satan, my faith, my source is with Hashem. HaSatan, you’ve have caused enough problems and your time has come to an end.


As I rushed back in the front door. I called the registers office and she ran the card. She told me that she would get my transcripts off that day. Hashem heard me. I could register at my new school for my first class on Monday May 11th, 2009.

Why must we suffer so much. I have suffered to a point where I’m almost at a point that I don’t think I can continue to go on for much longer. I know that if it were not for my mother, I would have long ago ended my life. I don’t like thinking like this because I do believe in Hashem. I do believer that Hashem answers and hears prayers.  Yet, to be only 65 days away from surgery and ready to go only to have devestating news like this is enough to push anyone with HBS over the cliff.


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