Posted by: jasgreen | August 22, 2009

So, What’s it like to become a woman?

I’m often asked this question from people that don’t have a full understanding of my medical condition. So, I thought it would be a good idea to write about my own experience and to help educate some who may have the very same question in mind.

For me, I didn’t just decided to become a woman. I was born a girl forced to be a boy due to unforeseeable biological developments. Other words, what you saw was not what you had.

In essence, we are not born fully developed. Our brains are still developing, our genitalia is still developing and will go through a series of developmental stages before they are mature enough to become a major part of our lives. Our height and weight is proportional with our developmental stages throughout life. Most importantly, is our brain development.

At specific point in life, we discover that we are male or female, not from just what others tell us we are. Fetal hormones have a large significant part in shaping this part of our brains. Just as too much estrogen can result in a male child being born female or the opposite, your brain has a sex also and it can result in your brain developing into a female structure with opposite anatomy. Yet, this is far more complex to try to explain and there are studies that have shown this to be the very case.

Picture if you will, a little girl is born. From the outside, she appears just like all the other little girls. But, by the time she turns one year old, there is a difference you can spot in her behavior. She doesn’t behave in the same manner as other little girls her own age. She prefers boy toys over girl toys. As she continues to age, she in fact insist that he be address as a boy. He refuses to wear girl cloths and hates any connotation that he be referred to a She.

The parents are baffled by this strange behavior. They try ever so hard to instill that He is in fact a She. As this battle continues, He begins to develop social problems because now other children have started to notice that He is not a He and is in fact a She. Yet, his behavior is not typical of other girls and other girls don’t want him around for obvious reasons.

He begins to feel isolation. He has no peers, no one to relate too. He’s being called horrible names and made fun of by other boys and girls. No one wants to socialize with him out of fear that they may be subjected to becoming an outcast just like Him.

But, lucky for Him, there is a support group that meets once a month that works with boys and girls like Him. He has a chance to finally understand what is going on with him and why He is the way He is. He soon discovers that He has a medical condition in which He was born with anatomy that didn’t match his brain. In fact, his brain is male while his anatomy is female. It all starts to make since now.

All He has to do now is explain to everyone what He has learned. However, this is not how the world is educated to know the difference between the two sexes. The world has come to learn that biology is perfect and there are no mistakes. So, when He begins to tell people why He is in fact a boy and not a girl, the world still shuns Him. They ignore the medical evidence that has been recently discovered that proves He is in fact a boy.

Now deep in depression, He continues his journey to adulthood and to discover that He doesn’t develop like all the other girls. He isn’t menstruating and he doesn’t develop breast like all the other girls. This only adds to the confusion because everyone is telling Him that He should be a She.

Doctors ignore his condition and just pushes it off as He is a late bloomer. By the time He becomes 23 years of age. He insists that He not be forced to live His life as a girl and now starts to makes changes in His life to become legally and biologically a Male.

Because He has spent such a grate deal of His life being an outcast, He never dates and He never has children. He begins the process of having a Hysterectomy to remove any anatomy that does not belong on a Male. He lifts weight and is scheduled to have Metoidioplasty in about a year.

He legally changes his name and all identification that mentions that He is a She. In the meantime, society still refers to Him as a freak and an outcast. His parents and family have disowned Him. He is going about this all alone with the exception of the support group members.

After a year has pasted, He is officially Male and now is legally able to marry and start a family of His own. As a final step in His journey, He has surgery and sends off for His new birth certificate which makes it official that He is in fact a Male.

Life picks up for Him now and He starts to date where He meets a very accepting and loving woman. The two of them can never have children together but that doesn’t stop them. They get married and His wife goes to a sperm bank clinic and become pregnant with their first child.

Some years later, the two of them are happily married with 3 children and they couldn’t be any more content with life.

With the exception of a boy being born a girl, the wedding and children this is what my life is. I am a women to the fullest extent with the exception of a few missing parts. I didn’t wake up and choose to be a girl, I was a girl from the point that I discovered the differences between the two sexes. I didn’t become a woman, I grew up as a girl being forced to be a boy. I didn’t have the socialization that most girl have nor did I have the socialization that most boys have while growing up. Childhood was a nightmare far from what most people would call normal.

So, I don’t know what’s it like to become a woman because I didn’t become a woman, I was born a girl who grew up to be a woman. I don’t understand what’s its like to be a man nor a boy since I never was one from the beginning.

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Responses

  1. (((((((((( HUG ))))))))))

    🙂

    Joanne


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