Posted by: jasgreen | March 3, 2010

8.75 months post-op

Well it has been an adventure. I’m still healing a lot. I’m scheduled for labiaplasty in 2 months and will have some refinement work done. My confidence level has gone up so much that I’m no longer ashamed to be myself. I flirt a lot now even though I remain a virgin to this day.

Yet, I’m not at the point in my life where I saw myself. This time last year, I was 190LBS and I walked 5 miles a day. Today, I’m 220LBS and I don’t hardly walk at all except for at work. I’m not ashamed of my weight gain as I’m very comfortable with my size. But, I don’t like looking like I’m bloated and about to have a baby any moment. I’m working on getting a treadmill inside my house to walk during the winters as that is when I gain all my weight back. I also have to blame my poor eating habits which I don’t count my calories anymore. If I can just maintain my current weight and not have a stomach, I think I would look very nice.

Anyways, I wanted to give an update and talk about dating for just a minute. Currently, I don’t date. I would love to date, but I just haven’t found the right guy that I would give myself too. As with most girls, I have some fear about my first time and the joy/pain that comes with being a virgin.

Will it fit?

Will it hurt?

Will he understand that he needs to go slow with me?

These questions pop into my mind each time I see a guy that I really like and wonder what it would be like to be sexually active with him. I know that physically, I’m not ready for sex. My GYN said I am but I still feel areas that aren’t completely healed, mostly internally. Externally, everything is nearly 100 percent healed with some small patches here and there mostly due to my Hyperkeratosis.

Nevertheless, my dilation’s are the key to me moving forward. I no longer feel pain or discomfort but pressure. It appears that my nerve ending are starting to come back as it feels pleasurable to a certain point which then turns to soreness as I keep the pressure on for 30 minutes each day. Due to the treatment of my Hyperkeratosis, I’m using the smallest dilator right now with maximum depth as my focal point. My smallest dilator is about 1 inch in diameter and about 7 inches long and I can insert about 4 to 5 inches without pain or discomfort. I tried to move up without any discomfort but I noticed that it only irritated my Hyperkeratosis so I moved back down in size until this tissue condition clears up.

If you don’t know what Hyperkeratosis is, let me explain.

“Hyperkeratosis is a thickening of the outer layer of the skin, which contains a tough, protective protein called keratin. This thickening is often part of the skin’s normal protection against rubbing, pressure and other forms of local irritation, and causes calluses and corns on hands and feet or whitish areas inside the mouth. Other forms of hyperkeratosis can occur as part of the skin’s defense against chronic (long-lasting) inflammation, infection, the radiation of sunlight or irritating chemicals. Less often, hyperkeratosis develops on skin that has not been irritated. These types of hyperkeratosis may be part of an inherited condition, may begin soon after birth and can affect skin on large areas of the body.”

You see, the skin within my neo-vagina is not used to the constant pressure and expansion that I exert upon it during dilation. The skin responds by developing hyperkeratosis to protect itself against the constant dilation’s which results in a bumpy surface which becomes painful over a period of time. The solution to this is to not put so much pressure on the tissue consistently and to expand the tissue slowly over a period of time rather than a rushing and trying to expand it within a matter of weeks.

Most girls at 8 months post op are able to use their largest dilators which is 2 and half diameters and 7 to 8 inches in depth. So, you can see how far behind I am in terms of healing and moving forward. But, I’m ok with not being at the level that other girls are at in their progress of healing. I’m not at a point where the situation is getting worse, I’m just at a point where my body is taking its own time to heal. My last GYN appointment, she used a medium sized speculum on me which gave me hope that things can and will improve over time. She used to have to use the pediatrics speculum on me. I’m sure that if she felt that I wasn’t ready to have sex, she would have told me not to have sex.

So, where does this leave me? I’m still searching for the right one.  Maybe, just maybe I will find him by the end of this year.

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