Posted by: jasgreen | July 5, 2010

1 year post-op and my last post :(

Well, a year has come and gone and I must finally say goodbye to my blog. I really feel no need to continue posting as I am finally at a point in my life where I can truly be myself and be happy. My confidence has grown so much in this year and I venture out now into areas that I used to shy away from.

I no longer hear the voices in my head that keep holding me back. I smile more and I take bold steps which I used to push and keep others away from. I no longer feel that I have a big secret to hide or that I’m not who I say I am. Though I haven’t met the right man to settle down with, I don’t believe it will be long now before I can finally say, ” I think he is the one.”

I still have some small hurdles to cross, such as the second stage of my surgery, but, this is such a small procedure that its really no big deal at all. The only thing holding me back from having this procedure is my weight issues. I love to eat. I love pizza. I love eating subs and philly cheesesteaks. So my weight goes up and down. My doctor wants me to be at 160LBS before he will do the second stage on me.  I would have to lose 30 LBS. The problem with this is that I’m happy with the way I look right now. Of course, I have some parts of my body that I don’t like. I wish my face was slender.  I wish I had more of a feminine face. I wish that I had longer hair.  I wish I had a flat stomach. But, the things that I love is that I have nice sized breast. I have nice hips. I have nice sized thighs and calf which clearly give me body. So, I hit the gym and I try to cut down eating my favorite foods.

I’ve set a year as my goal to lose 30 LBS. By that time, I’ll graduate with a master degree in Accounting and Finance. Once I get a new car, I’ll hit the gym everyday and set aside my desire to eat pizza, subs and cheesesteaks. I’ve already made some progress as I don’t eat french fries anymore. I have lost at least 30LBS already. You can do the math to see how much I used to weigh.

Well the time has come to say goodbye and I wish to thank each and everyone of my readers. I hope that this blog stays up for those that will come after me to provide a ray of sunshine and education.  Thank you so much and best of wishes to everyone.

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Posted by: jasgreen | March 10, 2010

Transgendered does not equal Transsexual

I’m sure I touched upon this subject before and I think I need to touch upon it again until there is a clear distinction between the two. I know that there are some readers out there that will find what I’m about to say highly offensive. I will not apologize for what I’m saying because it is my own belief and I stand strongly as a woman that was born intersexed and a woman that was raised to be male despite all that has happened to my body contrary to the male designation.

There exist in our lifetime people that love to be as close to a female designation as possible without ever really being female. For instance, you can take hormones, have breast implants and even perhaps have facial feminization surgery to appear as female. Yet, despite that these people act, look and want to be recognized as females, they are in fact males who have no problem remaining males. Let me explain a little further. These people are born (as they say) feeling as if they are women/girls. They love being women/girls. But, they also love their male genitalia and find it repressive to have them removed. They will tell you that they love their genitalia but feel like they are women/girls. This condition is not a transsexual condition.

The majority of these people who feel this way are males. Very few, if any, female born into the world will have a mastectomy, a radical hysterectomy, take testosterone so that she can look and act like a man and still admit that she, who now becomes a he, loves her female anatomy and wants to be recognized as a man/boy. Even most lesbian will not take it to this extreme in all but the rarest cases. You will find many lesbians who are what they call butch but they still identity as female and they love their female anatomy. Thus you see very few females who behave as the males who want to be women but maintain their male anatomy.

On the other hand, you have a person born as a male/female and later in life feels like they are a female/male . This group of people have a major issue with their anatomy. Some go through major discomforts to point of wanting to commit suicide. The older these people get that they remain untreated, the more they become despondent to the point where it begins to effect their social and psychological well being. At some point, the pain becomes so unbearable, that they seek medical treatment. The only way to heal these groups of people is through surgery. These are the true transsexuals. These groups of people are not transgendered. This is the group of people that Dr. Harry Benjamin wrote about, studied and tried to help. True Transexualism affects both male and female and not just one sex as transgenderism does.

A true transsexual would never, ever, say to anyone that they love their birth anatomy. They have a difficult time even associating with that part of their body. Some of these people have such a uncomfortably for that area of their body that they cut themselves or have tried to remove parts that they feel should not be there.

A true transsexual could never be a transsexual escort. Now I know that there are girls out there that have saved their money for surgery this way. These girls are the hardest to find because once they have their surgery, they no longer try to associate with that environment.  Their way of life was simply to come up with enough money for surgery and; notwithstanding that they hate using that area of their bodies, many will never admit that to their clients let alone make Youtube video’s telling the entire world how much they love their male anatomy.

This is a tough pill to swallow for many of the transgendered people of our society simply because they feel they are the same as a true transsexual. They wish to have the same laws geared towards true transsexual also cover the transgendered as well. If a transsexual who has had sex reassignment surgery is legally able to marry in most states and be legally seen as a female, the transgendered person feels as though those laws should apply to them as well since they live and act as women even though they are males.

Sadly, the transgendered person fails to recognize that transsexual women and transgendered women are not equal. Beginning with medical treatment all the way to the GYN office.  The two are not going to be able to have the same legal issues nor medical issues. The transgendered person has a major concern with hormone levels as it effects the libido. To much estrogen, the ability to maintain erections becomes a problem. Also, the male sex drive starts to become so low that the person will not have the same drive as most males have for sex. For the transgendered person, the key is feminization without losing the ability to maintain erections and still be able to perform as a male in their sex lives.

Second, for the transgendered person, ejaculation begins to fades over time with estrogen use. For some Transgendered women, this is a major concern because their ability to ejaculate and have penetrative sex is key to their salary. Their clients pay big dollars to be able to walk into a room and see a beautiful woman fully clothed but as they undress this woman, she has what no other woman has in terms of her anatomy. Some of these men even expect for these women to penetrate them. So, you can see this is an issue medical issue that a transsexual woman will not have.

Third, for the transgendered person, legality is not equal to the transsexual woman. A transsexual woman who has had sex reassignment surgery is considered in most states to be equal to that of a woman born with the right anatomy. A transsexual woman can legally use the female bathroom and not worry that if she is caught, she can be arrested. A transsexual woman can legally, in most states, be married to a man and obtain benefits as any other legally married couple. A transsexual woman can legally have her drivers license, birth certificate and medical records reflect that she is in fact a female. A transgendered person cannot legally have her drivers license, birth certificate or medical records say female. And, a transsexual woman who has had SRS, if arrested for any crime, must be searched by a female and must be placed with all the other female. On the other hand, a transgendered woman, will still be searched, undressed in front of a male police, prison guard, and placed with all the other males in the prison system no matter how much she cries that she is a woman. Now some prison will keep the transgendered person in segregation, but most prison do not have the space to do this and unless the life of the transgendered person becomes an issue, they will be placed in general population.

Lastly, a transgendered person does not have to worry about visiting a GYN. She will not get a yeast infection (unless she comes into contact with a female that has a yeast infection and they have intercourse), bacterial vaginosis, Vaginal discharges of any kind, the chance of her catching a UTI is very small, Vaginal tears are not an issue (rectal tears is something different and isn’t treated by a GYN), Excessive douching will not throw off  her vaginal  flora since she has no vagina, I think  you see what I’m saying when I say that a transgendered persons medical issues are not the same as a transsexual womans’ issue. No matter how much the transgendered person wants to mock the transsexuals neo-vagina, the GYN still considers it to be a functional vagina. Call it what you want, a dick turned inside out, an outty pushed innie, a man made vagina, or even a delusional vagina. In medical terms, the transsexual woman has a neo-vagina and after some time (12 months), its no longer is considered a neo-vagina because the tissue becomes mucosa having the same consistency as any other females vagina. (Note: here is the link to the study but you need to have access to read the full study: As a student, I have access through my schools library system: http://www.springerlink.com/content/b533123842821nj3/).

I’ve heard transgendered women say insults that transsexual women vagina’s are fake since they can’t bleed each month or that they can’t give birth to a baby. It would be delusional for transsexual woman to think of their vagina in the way that they are thinking. I have a vagina, it’s a neo-vagina, it’s functional and I do not try to pretend that my vagina is the same as that of any other female born with a vagina.  However, the fact that I have a neo-vagina does not lessen the fact that I have a vagina nor does it lessen the fact that I’m a female (legally and biologically which I have already explained in my other posts). I’m not the only woman with a neo-vagina walking the streets and neo-vagina’s have been around way before they were doing SRS on transsexual women. There are plenty of women in the world and born each day that will need a neo-vagina at some point in their lives and these are women were/are born with XX Chromosomes. So, I don’t feel alone and in fact, me and these women have more in common with each other than any transgendered woman could possibly have in common. Sorry if that offends you, but that’s just reality.

I never did touch upon the issue that transsexual women have different hormone issues than transgendered women other than going into depth how the transgendered woman hormone concerns are different from that of the transsexual woman. I think I made the point very clear and I don’t think I need to go any further on that issue.

The bottom line is that the two groups are not equal. For a transgendered person to assume the rights and identity of a transsexual woman is just wrong. The results of such umbrella term as transgendered being equal to transsexuality has caused much confusion and I believe that true transsexual women should begin to stand up for their own identities. It is for this very reason that I support the HBS groups out there fighting each to keep themselves separated from the umbrella term. As an intersexed person and a transsexual woman, I do not want to be lumped into a group of people that have no clue about my own struggles and my own medical issues that I face on a daily basis.  I do not feel as though these girls are equal to me in terms of my identity nor my medical issues and for that matter, transgendered girls should have their own group/identity.

Posted by: jasgreen | March 3, 2010

8.75 months post-op

Well it has been an adventure. I’m still healing a lot. I’m scheduled for labiaplasty in 2 months and will have some refinement work done. My confidence level has gone up so much that I’m no longer ashamed to be myself. I flirt a lot now even though I remain a virgin to this day.

Yet, I’m not at the point in my life where I saw myself. This time last year, I was 190LBS and I walked 5 miles a day. Today, I’m 220LBS and I don’t hardly walk at all except for at work. I’m not ashamed of my weight gain as I’m very comfortable with my size. But, I don’t like looking like I’m bloated and about to have a baby any moment. I’m working on getting a treadmill inside my house to walk during the winters as that is when I gain all my weight back. I also have to blame my poor eating habits which I don’t count my calories anymore. If I can just maintain my current weight and not have a stomach, I think I would look very nice.

Anyways, I wanted to give an update and talk about dating for just a minute. Currently, I don’t date. I would love to date, but I just haven’t found the right guy that I would give myself too. As with most girls, I have some fear about my first time and the joy/pain that comes with being a virgin.

Will it fit?

Will it hurt?

Will he understand that he needs to go slow with me?

These questions pop into my mind each time I see a guy that I really like and wonder what it would be like to be sexually active with him. I know that physically, I’m not ready for sex. My GYN said I am but I still feel areas that aren’t completely healed, mostly internally. Externally, everything is nearly 100 percent healed with some small patches here and there mostly due to my Hyperkeratosis.

Nevertheless, my dilation’s are the key to me moving forward. I no longer feel pain or discomfort but pressure. It appears that my nerve ending are starting to come back as it feels pleasurable to a certain point which then turns to soreness as I keep the pressure on for 30 minutes each day. Due to the treatment of my Hyperkeratosis, I’m using the smallest dilator right now with maximum depth as my focal point. My smallest dilator is about 1 inch in diameter and about 7 inches long and I can insert about 4 to 5 inches without pain or discomfort. I tried to move up without any discomfort but I noticed that it only irritated my Hyperkeratosis so I moved back down in size until this tissue condition clears up.

If you don’t know what Hyperkeratosis is, let me explain.

“Hyperkeratosis is a thickening of the outer layer of the skin, which contains a tough, protective protein called keratin. This thickening is often part of the skin’s normal protection against rubbing, pressure and other forms of local irritation, and causes calluses and corns on hands and feet or whitish areas inside the mouth. Other forms of hyperkeratosis can occur as part of the skin’s defense against chronic (long-lasting) inflammation, infection, the radiation of sunlight or irritating chemicals. Less often, hyperkeratosis develops on skin that has not been irritated. These types of hyperkeratosis may be part of an inherited condition, may begin soon after birth and can affect skin on large areas of the body.”

You see, the skin within my neo-vagina is not used to the constant pressure and expansion that I exert upon it during dilation. The skin responds by developing hyperkeratosis to protect itself against the constant dilation’s which results in a bumpy surface which becomes painful over a period of time. The solution to this is to not put so much pressure on the tissue consistently and to expand the tissue slowly over a period of time rather than a rushing and trying to expand it within a matter of weeks.

Most girls at 8 months post op are able to use their largest dilators which is 2 and half diameters and 7 to 8 inches in depth. So, you can see how far behind I am in terms of healing and moving forward. But, I’m ok with not being at the level that other girls are at in their progress of healing. I’m not at a point where the situation is getting worse, I’m just at a point where my body is taking its own time to heal. My last GYN appointment, she used a medium sized speculum on me which gave me hope that things can and will improve over time. She used to have to use the pediatrics speculum on me. I’m sure that if she felt that I wasn’t ready to have sex, she would have told me not to have sex.

So, where does this leave me? I’m still searching for the right one.  Maybe, just maybe I will find him by the end of this year.

Posted by: jasgreen | January 19, 2010

Hormone Headaches

When I was young, I would get these pounding headaches that became regular to me during the beginning of each month. I still remember the day that they began and I had to be about 10 years old right around the age of puberty beginning. These headaches would be random with some months worse than others. There were times that all I wanted to do was stay in bed and sleep off the pain while other months, the pain was not as intense and I could go outside and play with all the other kids on my street.

As with all my other problems, my doctors just rule it to be cluster headaches and told me that it would go away in time. But, I knew that it was sometime much worse than what they were telling me. As I got older, the headaches continued and the doctors began to fear that I had a brain tumor and ordered a CT of my head. Nothing of course was discovered and they simply told me once again that it was stress. This was a diagnosis that I would not accept simply because I could feel that it went beyond me stress. I also question why I could pin point the exact time and day that I would have these headaches. As I got older, I contributed my headaches to hormonal issues which I knew I had. Yet, every doctor just brushed it off and never really took the time to think, perhaps these headaches are Homornal headaches experienced by 60 percent of women who suffer from migraines.

As I began to study my condition further, I came across an article which described the signs of hormonal headaches and it was as if I was reading about my monthly ordeal (which I have now label, my cycle) that someone had peered into my life.

“A clue that hormonal shifts may be a factor is if your headaches occur just before your period or during menstruation; this is the case for 60 percent of women with migraines”
~ Dr. Christina Peterson (The Women’s Migraine Survival Guide)

“Hormonal migraines usually seem to be triggered by changes in estrogen and progesterone levels. There seems to be a link between estrogen and serotonin, a chemical which is believed to be closely related to migraines. At the time in your cycle when the estrogen drops, so does the serotonin. And so, migraine seems to most often occur when estrogen levels, which have just been high, drop. Often a woman will get her first migraine during adolescence for this reason. Before the teen years, males and females both get migraines equally. But after mentruation begins, females get 3x the migraines. Welcome to the world of menstrually related migraines (MRM).”

Now I know that my graduate school professors will be rolling over in their beds because I’m not properly siting APA here, but this is my blog and if you don’t like it, go some place else. I’m nothing writing a scientific article here, I’m only giving my readers some information on what I believe is the cause of my problem.

Anyway, when I would talk to my friends about my cycle, they used to think I was crazy because I would talk about the emotional ups and downs and the pounding headaches causing me to just sleep all day for like a week. “You don’t have a menstrual cycle and it only makes you look stupid when you say you have a cycle.”

Ok…ladies, I don’t menstruate.  I don’t have ovaries and I don’t have a uterus for that to happen. But, I certainly have a cycle, a hormal cycle. For those that don’t know from reading my other post, I have PAIS. This means that my body has a slight intolerance to androgen’s.  This slight intolerance causes my body to reject a good portion of the androgen’s produced and allows my estrogen levels to increase. This in turns causes and imbalance of hormones. The imbalance of hormones causes headache as the body is signaling that something is not balanced. This occurs month after month for me almost at the same time each month. This is not my mind playing tricks on me because there are real physical signs such as the headache itself which varies in intensity each month, lose of appetite, stomach sickness, occasional bleeding with no sited cause or pain associated (nose or rectal-doctors are still looking for the cause of this), loss of energy level, sensitivity to bright light. Sounds like a migraine doesn’t it. But, my doctors have ruled out migraines. I’ll spare you some crusmome stuff that have occurred to me over the years that began when I turned 10 years old.

No…I don’t menstruate, but I know what it is to suffer from hormonal headaches each month. I suggest that anyone who has suffered as I did growing up, being born intersexed and being lied too by doctors and having doctors ignore your problems, if you suffer from these kind of headaches….please let me know what you do that helps you. I’ve tried everything from Tylenol, Excedrin and Midol and still have yet to find a solution. In the meantime, sleep during that time of the month is my only way of dealing with the problem or if I can’t sleep, just baring the pain until it goes away.

Here is a link for those interested in learning more about Hormonal Headaches…..

http://www.relieve-migraine-headache.com/hormonal-headache.html

Posted by: jasgreen | January 5, 2010

What does a woman really look like?

For some time now, I’ve battled with the thought of rather I should have breast augmentation or not. I see the girls who have gotten their breast size increased and I wonder from time to time if I should follow what the crowd is doing. But then I say to myself I’m happy with the way my body developed. Why must I have this hour glass figure to be consider a woman? Women have curves as the saying goes.

Escorts spend thousands of dollars to obtain the bodies that we see on she-male websites  just so that they can fulfill the fantasy of what a woman should look like. What girl doesn’t look at Beyonce and dream of having a body so perfect, so sought after by men, that for some results in drastic measures as becoming obsessive with dieting and exercising.

I still remember growing up and all I really wanted was to be like all the other girls. Shape and size never crossed my mind nor did I put emphasis on femininity.  I still remember being in love with one my neighborhood friends and saying to him that I wanted for us to get married which he admittedly responded by saying, boys can’t get married. I laughed and said of course boys can’t get married to each other, but, I’m not a boy.  I told him that I was going to have my sex changed when I got older and we could get married and have babies. To this we both gazed into the stars with the biggest grin on our faces. Never once did I think that I would need facial feminization, butt implants, silicone placed throughout my body and take hormones for the rest of my life.

I am a twin of my mother and for years everyone finds it hard to believe that me and my mother are nothing more than sisters. So, for me it became easy for me to just affirm my identity of being female and not male without all the drastic measures I’ve read and seen other girls take. I don’t hold myself out to be 100% unclockable because I know this is nothing more than a lie. In fact I kind of enjoy the attention that I get when someone looks at me and says, is that a man or woman. I can say that with all honesty now but it was not the case for most of my life. I hated when people questioned my identity. I’m a girl damn it. Yet, now, I know I’m a girl (a female) and it no longer bothers me if someone thinks I’m a man or if I’m a tranny. Clock me, read me if you will, but I’m just your average looking girl who happens to have been born with a condition (AIS) which placed me between both sexes in this universe. And, I’m ok with that now. I can admire the beauty of a woman and the beauty of a man, somewhere there is me.

I can walk down the street and see a drop dead gorgeous female with the perfect hour glass figure and know that I don’t have a body like that but still be ok with that. I can see a man walk down the street and know that I don’t have a body like that either and still be ok with it.  Again, somewhere in the middle is me. I don’t have a full double D cup size, shoot, I don’t even have a full C cup size breast. But, I’m not alone in this universe of women born with small breast size. I have to keep telling myself this because each time a see a real tall woman with double D chest, my mind wants to try to trick me into saying that’s what a woman should look like.

My breast is smaller than my mother and my hips are smaller than my mother. I can’t put on the tight fitting jeans with the nice blouse that hangs off of my breast and shows my hour glass figure. Slip on a pair of high heeled boots with my jeans tucked inside and my butt becomes the apple bottom that most guys drool over. For me, I have make sure that the cloths I buy are tapered in such a way that it gives the impression that I have hips. Maybe I’m just being too hard on myself but this is the imagine that I have to deal with on a daily basis and if I don’t fit that imagine, am I less than a woman?

So, I look in the mirror each day and I tell myself…girl you look good just the way you are. Don’t go off spending thousand of dollars to look like the imagine that you think a woman should look like. So what if people clock you, read you. What does that really mean? Someone calls you a man, are you a man? So you don’t look like Beyonce, join the club girl, after Beyonce will come another girl that people will consider the look of a true woman. Why can’t my role model be Monique? Why can’t I desire to be just as big as she is yet be so comfortable with just the way I am? Better yet, why can’t I be happy just being me?

I had to come back and edit this entry because I felt that I needed to say one more thing. I’ve had friends that told me that I should wear a wig or put on make up or go get breast implants, anything that they deem to be what women should look like. Yet, here is the point that I always stood for in my life. I admire the girls that can get up in the morning with a scarf around their head, no make up on and walk out their doors with a t-shirt and sweats on and still are respected as women than the most glamorous girl who can only be seen as a woman if she has had facial feminization, a pound of make up on, silicone place throughout her body and a head full of weave.

If there is anything that I learned from Ru Paul is that you can take the hardest looking man in the world and turn him into the most stunning looking girl on earth if you have the right lighting and the right make-up kit. I would always tell my dear ex-friends that being a woman isn’t about the breast size, the make-up or how your body looks. Being  a woman has everything to do with your self-esteem. Don’t confuse this with being a female. Being female is biological. I’m not talking about being female. I’m talking about identity here. Nevertheless, I can respect women like my mother, my biggest inspiration on womanhood, and my cousin whom both have never worn a stitch of makeup. So when you look in the mirror and see a woman whom you think is the embodiment of womanhood, what is it about her that says that is what a woman should look like?

Posted by: jasgreen | December 24, 2009

Male or Female: Employment discrimination

By now, I’m sure that everyone within the TG/LGB community has heard about the case of  Zikerria Bellamy at McDonalds, Inc. For those that don’t know, she applied for a position online at McDonalds and after it was discovered that she was in fact a male, the manager of the restaurant left his opinion on her voice mail. To say the least, he insulted her and gave his opinion on the type of people McDonalds doesn’t want to hire. McDonalds has since fired the manager in case and made a public announcement that the manager was out of line and did not have the authority to act as he did. The subject is now suing McDonalds for discrimination which I feel she should.

However, what bothers me about this case is how it is being handled. Zikerria is being presented as a transexual. Some have even confused her as being a post-op transexual which in fact she is not. Youtube has responders that consistently refer to her as being a post-op transexual and some have voiced that post-op transsexuals should understand that discrimination besets them.

The reality of the situation is that once someone has vaginoplasty, they are legally, in most states, female. A post-op transsexual has every right to marry legally, check female on the application legally, receive spousal benefits, and just as any other hetrosexual couple have the same rights. On the other hand, a transgendered person cannot do this legally.

This is a case of a transgendered person who applied for a job as a female when in fact she is a male. Now, she could have lied on the application and said she is female which she did. But legally/biologically, she is a male no matter how much she feels she is female. McDonalds has every right to fire someone that lies on their application for employment including lying about a previous conviction. What McDonalds doesn’t have the right to do is deny employment to someone based upon their gender identification.  Stay with me on this one.

Had the subject been hired by McDonalds and it was later found out that the subject was in fact a male, McDonalds is within their right to dismiss the subject for falsification on their application. However, if the subject at hand had checked that she was in fact male but presented as female, carried a letter to attest to the fact that she is a pre-op transsexual, McDonalds would have no grounds to dismiss her had she been hired.

I’m not arguing what was said to her over the voice mail, that’s another topic which I don’t want to discuss. I’m simply pointing out that transgendered persons need to understand that falsification on a job application is grounds for denial of employment up to and including termination. If you lie on your job application and a company terminates your employment, you are the one at fault, not the company that hired you based upon the information that you provided to them.

I hope that McDonalds has good legal counsel on this one simply because this is not a case about a transgendered being denied employment.  This is a case about a manager who discovered that someone had lied on their application and over stepped his job responsibilities to spread hate and his disapproval. Yes, the manager was wrong for leaving his opinion on the girls voice machine. Yes, the subject should be able to file a lawsuit for harassment and deformation of character. The subject should be compensated for the hardship that this ex-manager has placed on her mental health.

To my transgendered friends out there, I understand this is a hard pill to swallow. I understand that there needs to be legal support for the transgendered community. However, it also needs to be a clear distinction between transgenderism and transsexualism. The two do not mean the same and I have written upon this subject to death. The legal system acknowledges this distinction and just because a post-op transsexual can legally check female on a job application does not mean that it should apply to someone that is legally/biologically a male that lives their life as a woman. If you are one of the many out there applying for a job and presenting false information on a job application, do not be shocked when these companies do a background check and discover that you lied on the job application. Stats say that 90% of the companies that are hiring will do a background check. They will find out. It is of no benefit to you to lie on a job application because even if you think you made it through, at some point most companies will check your background even beyond offering you the job.

My advice to the transgendered person, particularly the one’s that have no intention of ever having a sex change, get a letter from a qualified mental health therapist that states you are legally male but live your life as a woman and for all do cause, you should be viewed and treated as a woman. Carry this letter in your wallet with you at all times.  On the job application you fill out, make sure that you are honest in checking which sex you are. When and if you are questioned about your sex, it should be made known that you are in transition, a non-op transgendered person or a pre-op transsexual. Believe it or not, it is still illegal for a male to enter a female bathroom in most states and if a female finds out that you are in fact a male, she can call the police or security on you despite the fact that you present as a woman. This is why having that letter is of necessity.  Having that letter will also protect you in a case if and when you do get called to the HR department because someone suspected that you are not the sex you say you are, they legally cannot fire you because of it unless you lied on the job application. Its for you own protection that I offer this advice. Hate if you will, call  me a bigot, ask me what right do I have to question your gender, but, no matter how you look at it, the law is the law and we need to start establishing the right that transgendered people exist within our community and they have the rights too.

Have a happy holiday.

Posted by: jasgreen | December 13, 2009

Seasons Greeting Readers…..

I do hope that the season is bringing you much joy. For the first time in many years I feel happy and not alone. I’m still single and will most likely be single for a very long time to come for now. I still have much healing to do from my surgery.

I went to my first GYN appointment last week and she told me that I still have some healing to do. I have a very small complication which prevents me from moving forward and starting to date. Some tissue needed to be cauterized and biopsied which hurt so much that I’m still sore now. Yet, she told me that it was a needed step to make sure that I didn’t have an infection.

With all the healing, I totally went off my diet and I’ve gained all my weight back. I’m back up to about 200LBS right now and I’m slowly going back on my diet to decrease my weight back down to 177LBS.

This season, I decided to treat myself. I went out and brought a 32 inch LCD HDTV with all the trim and had to spend another $400 on the HD receiver because my cable company would not upgrade. I’ve been getting my hair done almost every week but this won’t last long since I don’t have the income to continue this special treat.

Lastly, I switched my major again. I’ve decided to get my MBA in Accounting. Since most of my accounting classes have been completed at other schools, I don’t need to make up for classes that I don’t take at my new school. In the long run, this degree will help me when I finally start my own financial Consulting company. I was going to start this tax season, but, I don’t feel confident that I can go out on my own right now.  Perhaps next tax season I’ll invest in a subcontract with one of the check cashing places which will give me my start to opening my own Financial Consulting company.

Ok…enjoy your holiday…..and thanks for reading.

Posted by: jasgreen | December 6, 2009

Gender does not equal Male or female.

I happen to come across another YouTube video where there are some who point out the biological bases for gender as being equal to that of being female or male. However, It should be noted that the studies that have proven that transsexuals have brain structure similar to that of XX Females has nothing to do with gender. How can any study of brain structure prove that the deceased individual gender was male or female?

Gender is purely psychological. It is not biological and the evidence of this are the alarming cases of children being diagnosed with Gender Dysphoria at young ages and then suddenly growing out of the dysphoria once they’ve reached an age where they feel more like the gendered their parents tried to raise them as.

Nevertheless, sex is biological. You are either male or female. You can be a female that feels like a man or a male that feels like a woman. There is no biological test that can determine gender because its purely a state of mind. Yet, there are a number of test that can prove if you are male or female.

This brings up the next point, one can be female with mixed sexual characteristics that differ from what we consider to be the norm.  For instance, one can be female but born with XY chromosomes. Again, this has nothing to do with gender. It has nothing to do with how one feels about themselves as a person. We call this type of condition and intersexed condition. It is not the same as a transgendered condition in which there is a healthy male or female (there are few transgendered females as opposed to transgendered males) who feels like they are a woman or man.

The confusion comes about when we have a group of people that insist that they are within the same condition. A transgendered person is not the same as a transexual just as a transexual is not the same as an intersexed person. Each group has it own condition and each are separate from the other. Yet. there are some who wish to try to make it very clear that each are the same.

I don’t feel as though I need to explain what a transsexual person is because I have written on this topic before. A transgendered person is a male or female that feels like a woman or man. A transgendered person may or may not seek sex reassignment because the issue for them is not their sex. For the transgendered person, the issue is being seen and accepted as a woman or man despite their biological sex. For most transgendered persons, their sexual anatomy is very stable and they do not seek to have reassignment surgery.

For the transsexual, the issue is not about acceptance as a woman or man but more about their sexual anatomy.  For the transsexual, it is about being male or female and it can only be solved by having sex reassignment surgery. For the transsexual, living as a male or female is considered life or death. Most transsexual who don’t have surgery ended up with severe social issues, emotional problems and/or end up taking their own lives.

So, you can see the difference from the group. It is a shame that you have so many people that simply do not understand this very basic distinction. It is no wonder we have parents and therapist diagnosing their children as being transsexual when in fact their child may only be suffering from Gender identity disorder which does not call for surgery of any kind. Gender identity disorder is not a life threatening condition where as transexuality is a life threatening condition.

It should also be noted that transexuality is progressive. It is not something you grow out of. Children that suffer from transsexualism are distinct from children who have gender identity disorder. Since transexuality is progressive, the condition if left untreated has devastating effects on the child. Some children will resort to trying to cut off their own sex organs. Others will react in such a way that their behavior becomes anti-social. Some children will resort to harming others. If you haven’t noticed by now, now of this has anything to do with their gender.

Another distinction that should be made which is clearly evident in the person who suffers from transsexualism is a hatred for their own genitalia. These people will tell you that they must have surgery to correct their condition. It’s not an option for them. You will not hear from a person who suffers from transsexualism that they are happy with their genitalia unless they have had sex reassignment surgery. They will not be escorts that you see on the internet or on Craig’s list. Chances are they are not in a sexual relationship simply because they despise their genitalia so much so that they cannot stand the site of using their sex organ that bring any type of enjoyment or pleasure.

Finally, a person who suffers with transsexualism, once they have sex reassignment surgery, will feel at peace with themselves and for the most part cease to have any signs of transsexualism. For these people, there is no such thing as being a post-op transsexual.  After surgery, they cease to identity with any type of transsexualism and simply begin to live their lives as normal female which the transgendered community call stealth living. Yet, these men and women aren’t living stealth at all. They simply are living what they consider themselves to be, male or female.

I hope that you may have a better understanding of this after reading my blog because it is so much information that is misleading the public these days to think that a transgendered person is the same as a transsexual. Gender does not equal male or female.  One can be a man who feel like a woman but this does not say that one can be a man who is actually female.  Man/Woman  and Female/Male are not equal. One is social and the other is biological.

Posted by: jasgreen | November 21, 2009

Remembering our dead 2009

A lot of you will not like what I have to say. But I feel it is something that needs to be said and heard.

I don’t understand when the TG community will learn that if you dress, act, look, and tell someone that you are a female when in fact you are not and go as far as being in a relationship with someone rather that be a one night stand, you are obligated to inform that person about your true sex.

Notice that I did not say woman because it is my opinion that being a woman goes beyond the genitalia. However, being female is entirely exclusive of being male. There is not denial of this since being female involves the absence of male genitalia, hormonal levels and secondary sex characteristics completely different (opposite) of male.

You can put on a dress, wear make-up, put on lace wigs, inject silicon into the body and even take hormones to present yourself to the world that you are a woman. But, when you meet that special someone and you pretend to be male or female when you are not, then you cross the line of deception so much so that it puts your life in danger.

It sadden my heart when I see the senseless death of so many that if they only were truthful from the beginning, many would be still alive today. The reality of it all is that few people go on a witch hunt to seek out and kill transgendered or transsexual women and men. Most of the deaths results from deception. Few are of post-op transsexuals.

How difficult is it to be truthful? Why does it kill people just to be honest about who they are? This whole stealth thing we keep passing on to one another is crazy and detrimental to our well being. Regardless if you have testicles and a penis between your legs or a vagina create by birth or at the hands of a talented surgeon, there is someone for each of us out there.

Tranny chasers love transgendered women so much that they pay hundreds of dollars to be with one for just one hour. They have their own dedicated websites which they clearly have made it known that they have no interest in transexual women who are post-op. Some of these men would not even think about dating a post-op girl simply because they are too female for their liking. Post-op girls are missing that special package they seek. I don’t discriminate against them. To each is his or her own.

There are men and women who don’t mind if you are post-op as long as your honest from the beginning. So, the excuse that being honest leads to loneliness is just a fairy tale told by the few who are ignorant to reality.

Living stealth has become such a big issue today that we have girls that make claims that if you have surgery and it doesn’t result in you being able to give birth and menstruate, you have nothing more than an inverted penis. I’ve had friends that wanted me to put on big wigs, wear padded underwear and put on make up because I wasn’t passable to them. Girls spend thousands of dollars to have their faces reconstructed to be passable. Some girls diet to the point of almost killing themselves just so they can look skinny enough to be passable. Then there are the girls who inject Home Depot products into their bodies at the risk of dying or running off to Mexico to have ribs removed just to be passable.

This isn’t about being a woman, this about living up to someone expectations of what a woman/female should look like. I can walk down the street and hold my head up because I know that I’m a woman/female. I have no desire to inject myself with harmful products, put on tons of make-up, where big wig or to have breast implants the size of basketballs.

My identity is solid enough to the point that I can talk to someone whom I meet and tell them on the first date before I take them home with me that I am a woman born with PAIS and I was born with male genitalia and now I have had sex reassignment surgery so that I can live my life comfortable. If he can’t handle that, then I’m not his type of girl. I’m o.k. with that. Maybe he wants a girl that can give birth or one that can menstruate each month. Maybe he wants a girl that was born female. I respect that and understand that that is his right to not be deceived.  It’s wrong for me to tell him anything different. I don’t want a man that is really into women with penises  only to be told later in the relationship after I start having emotional feeling for him that he is prefers these kind of women. Do you see the point?  Had he told me right from the moment that we started dating, I would have told him that he is not my type of man and he could see that I’m not his type of girl.

A man that wants a woman born with a vagina has every right to expect that the woman he is dating is what she presents herself to be. If that woman is anything but that, then it is the woman’s obligation to tell that man that she is not what she appears to be. I rather for that man to get up from that table and walk out calling me all kinds of nasty words then for me to take him home with me and we start to become intimate only for him to discover that I’m not what he taught and he loses his mind and kill me or beat me half to death.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that any violence is justifiable, because it isn’t. I’m merely pointing out that the violence could be prevented if the truth was made known from the very beginning.

Ladies, there is no such thing as stealth living. It’s all deception and lies. You can build a relationship based upon truth, or you could build a relationship based upon deception but at some point, the truth will surface. Let us learn from these girls that have lost their lives and even some boys such as Brandon Tina. They would be still with us today if only they were truthful about who they were.

 

Enough already.

Posted by: jasgreen | October 3, 2009

Vaginal Health

As a female that was born with PAIS (Partial Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome), I’ve tried to learn as much as possible about vaginal health so that when I finally was able to have my operation there would be no surprises. Yet, speaking with other women who were born with AIS and HBS women, there was little to no information on what I could expect as I heal from such a major operation.

It’s been 3 months (12 weeks) and each day is one step to full recovery. Dilation is much apart of my life as inspecting myself to make sure that I’m healing correctly. I can’t but notice that I have a slight discharge and I wonder if I have a yeast infection. Yet, after reading and speaking with my mom on the subject matter, I’ve concluded that it not a yeast infection at all but rather vaginal discharge of the lubricant I use along with the natural discharge that is common among all females.

Female naturally have about a teaspoon of vaginal discharge everyday which can be clear or thin whitish in color. This fluid becomes thicker as she cycles through month with higher concentration during ovulation and menarche.  Although I do not ovulate and have no menarche, my vagina does produce its own fluid which is discharged each day no different from any other female. The combination of this fluid with the lubricants that I use creates a yellowish tint discharge without any odor or signs that would point to infection.

It is possible that if one is not understanding what’s going on with the body that a false diagnosis could lead one to conclude that this is a yeast infection or some other form of infection. This is why it is so important to learn your body as fast as you can after this kind of operation. Don’t be afraid to touch yourself and smell yourself down there.  Examine yourself each day and take notice of the discharges that happen.

Switching the focus of this topic, sexual intercourse for me is out for now. I’m not healed enough to withstand the implications of intercourse. I tried to time myself with others that I read that mentioned that they began having sexual intercourse 6-8 weeks after surgery. Well, I must be a slow healer because this is not possible for me. I tried using a 6 inch realistic dildo just to see how it would feel and if I was ready and though I was able to accommodate the dildo without much pain, I could tell that I wasn’t completely healed enough that I am ready to start dating and having sex.

Don’t rush yourself. This is a time period that should be about learning and healing. I was scheduled to go for the second stage of my surgery on Thursday of this month but that has been pushed to perhaps January of next year as I still am healing and the surgeon wants to make sure that I’m completely healed. Because of this time set back, I must also allow myself to heal from the second stage surgery. As much as I would love to put a date stamp on when I can go out and have my first vaginal sexual experience, I must listen to my body. So, I  encourage all others who may be going through this kind of surgery to listen to your body and not to what other have or are saying is the best time to go out and try to have sex.

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